The Naked Self

I just got out of the shower. Wrapped in my towel, I walked into my room. My iTunes was playing out Roads by Portishead. I had always loved this piece, it evoked such strong emotions and pulsed through the body and soul with an indescribable energy. In the privacy of my own room, I took off my towel and danced to the music in my barest state. I could feel a surge of freedom that rushed into me, my burdens were alleviated. I was relishing in this very moment. I immersed myself in the music yet feeling the nakedness and the vulnerability that surrounded me in this space. I stopped in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I pried right through my eyes, trying to figure out what they wanted to tell me. Then I closed my eyes to feel this whole sensation. My mind wandered off and I felt you there. I began feeling my body, touching and caressing it slowly, from my neck to my chest, down my abdominal to my crotch. My hand was now at my erected rod. I started moving it to the rhythm of the music along with the thrusting movement of my hips. As my rhythm and movement got faster, my breath became heavier and heavier. Finally, I gasped and came. I opened my eyes slowly. The white mess I created was smeared on my own reflection, slowly flowing down the mirror. I took out a cigarette, lighted it and stared at myself in front of the mirror. I blew out smoke at my own reflection. Shrouded in the smoke, I could not really make out myself. Eventually, I asked the question " What exactly is left in me? My instinctive needs or the desire to connect with you."